Treading water only works for so long.

Oxford is not like Eastern. Of course, that seems like such a silly and obvious thing to say, and even as I type this, I'm reminded of every possible aspect that sets Oxford apart from most universities in the world. I'm 17 days and 16 hours into term here, and I'm already wondering how I'm going to survive. One thing about Oxford that makes it supremely different from Eastern is that at Oxford, students are expected to jump right in and begin their academic work right away. Like swimming, you meet some resistance from yourself when you first begin -- you're so far away from home, but that doesn't matter because you can just hop on Facebook and talk with people; you're still in "vacation mode" and acclimated to sitting around and watching movies all day because there's nothing else better to do, and that often translates into going exploring or shopping; there are so many new things to do and people to see; and, you're just tired from having days full of doing whatever you want. After a while, you begin to realise that you're going to have essays due at your first tutorial (which is tomorrow and you haven't even begun your reading material), and you have no idea what to expect from your tutors, as they gave you no guidelines. Sure, there may be a syllabus, but it generally states which books you may be reading, and it may give a few extra suggested readings to do. My primary tutor even gave me a list of essay questions that I can choose from over the course of the semester. Other than that, you're tasked with writing a certain amount of words or pages with little guidance but your own research capabilities. Luckily for me, I'm very good at research. I can find almost anything I put my mind to finding. But the point is, you're on your own. There are no daily class sessions around which to schedule yourself, you don't check in with your professor every day (you're lucky to get an email response back from them before your next tutorial session!), and you certainly aren't required to work every day. It seems like a life of freedom...

... until you find yourself reading a Shakespeare play at 2 in the morning for a paper that's due at noon. Cramming is certainly something that I've taken for granted at Eastern because cramming there is like eating ice cream, and cramming here is like eating nails. At Eastern, you can, if you really wanted to, start reading a book the night before you have to discuss it in class. In fact, with 20-200 other students in the class, you could read one chapter from the book and be able to contribute. Here, in a class of one, if you don't have a mastery of the text, you might as well just cancel your tutorial. You're wasting your professor's time, and ultimately, you're wasting your own - instead of completing the work and then having fun, you're really just having fun, wasting time, and then not succeeding anyway. You might as well just go home. And when you show up to a tutorial and hand in a crappy essay that a four-year-old could have written (if four-year-olds knew words like "carnal" and "enchantment"), if you don't feel ashamed, you shouldn't be at Oxford (or you should at least reconsider your motivations).

So I'm slowly realising that I need to make myself a study schedule and actually stick to it. In my pact with Gabby, I wrote that I would allow myself to have some fun after my work is done. For example, there's a trip to Bath & Stonehenge on Saturday that I really want to go on, but if I don't complete my work, I'll not only be behind in one tutorial but I'll have missed an entire study day to get caught up. I was talking with Carl (another guy in my program), and he and I agreed that Oxford really forces you to either accept the fact that you need discipline or give up. Because if you can't accept the fact that you need discipline in your life, there's no way to succeed.

You can only get by on treading water and finishing essays at the last minute for so long. After a while, you realise that you're so burnt out from doing nothing that you shouldn't even pretend that you don't need help. And you'll drown in the work. There's no way past that.