I realized today that my current apathy is actually just a mask for my insecurities. One of my biggest fears about going off to Oxford is surprisingly not that I'll be away from home for four months, but that I won't honor my professors in my academic work. Honoring my professors is something that I've always tried to do, though in more recent years, my concept of this has shifted. In high school, I used to think that honoring my teachers just meant that I would treat them with the respect that they deserved (although not necessarily the respect that they earned... note that those are two completely different concepts). However, when I started at Eastern, I realized that honoring one's professors consists of a great deal more than the polite greetings and speaking with deference. Honoring a professor should mean that students take whatever the professor says and try to apply it to their lives and their studies. A student who puts forth his or her absolute best effort and succeeds, whether through personal ability or with assistance from academic support, honors the professor. A student who can experience proper shame over a poor test score because he or she knows that the test score could have been higher with more studying or more thought put into answers honors the professor, especially if the student seeks to improve future scores and grades.
An anecdote to illustrate what I'm talking about: My dad once had a student from Europe in his class who received a low grade on a test. It wasn't a particularly difficult test, although at the time, my dad was teaching statistics, which is a hard subject for someone not mathematically-minded. When the student saw the grade that he had earned (not "was given," mind) on the exam, he stood up and began to leave the classroom. My dad called him back and asked to speak to the student after class. So, after class, my dad sat down with the student and asked him why he had gotten up to leave. My dad assumed that the student was just being rude and had come to class solely to pick up his exam and then leave (I've wanted to do this before... which, I believe, is why teachers hand assignments back at the end of the class period). Surprisingly, however, the student began to apologize profusely for not doing well on the exam and exclaimed that he had dishonored my father in his poor grade.
Sometimes I feel like this student. I earned a B- on several of my papers for one class this semester, but I actively chose not to seek help from the Writing Center. Some of my reservations were pride-related, but in other ways, I just wanted to prove to myself that I could write a half-decent paper. A lot of my friends thought that I was insane (who complains about a B- in a difficult class?), but for me, I felt as if I was dishonoring my professor by not writing better papers.
All that to say, I'm worried about my academic performance whilst at Oxford. People keep telling me to just "enjoy the experience," but I'm trying to reignite my invigorated passion for my studies. Here's to future long hours in the library and well-written papers. Who knows? Maybe I'll pick up a copy of Strunk & White's Elements of Style before I leave and attempt to follow the Oxford student handbook guidelines of writing while I'm at Oxford. Maybe I'll return home with a wealth of knowledge and ace all of my future papers. Unlikely, but at least this time, I'm willing to try.
Anyway, enough procrastinating for today. I haven't really started packing (and I leave in seven days), and I'm also studiously ignoring the fact that I have to deal with bank business and fill out a power of attorney forms before I leave. Who knew how much would be required to study away for just one semester?
As well, I'd love to leave my room in a seemingly habitable state before I leave for Oxford. I absolutely hate leaving my possessions in shambles, strewn across what I affectionately refer to as "the black hole of doom" that is my room. Time to put on some energizing music and tackle the tasks that I have before me in the next week!
Sometimes I feel like this student. I earned a B- on several of my papers for one class this semester, but I actively chose not to seek help from the Writing Center. Some of my reservations were pride-related, but in other ways, I just wanted to prove to myself that I could write a half-decent paper. A lot of my friends thought that I was insane (who complains about a B- in a difficult class?), but for me, I felt as if I was dishonoring my professor by not writing better papers.
All that to say, I'm worried about my academic performance whilst at Oxford. People keep telling me to just "enjoy the experience," but I'm trying to reignite my invigorated passion for my studies. Here's to future long hours in the library and well-written papers. Who knows? Maybe I'll pick up a copy of Strunk & White's Elements of Style before I leave and attempt to follow the Oxford student handbook guidelines of writing while I'm at Oxford. Maybe I'll return home with a wealth of knowledge and ace all of my future papers. Unlikely, but at least this time, I'm willing to try.
Anyway, enough procrastinating for today. I haven't really started packing (and I leave in seven days), and I'm also studiously ignoring the fact that I have to deal with bank business and fill out a power of attorney forms before I leave. Who knew how much would be required to study away for just one semester?
As well, I'd love to leave my room in a seemingly habitable state before I leave for Oxford. I absolutely hate leaving my possessions in shambles, strewn across what I affectionately refer to as "the black hole of doom" that is my room. Time to put on some energizing music and tackle the tasks that I have before me in the next week!
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