Reflections of a 20-Something Academic: Home is behind; the world ahead.

As I write this post, I am listening to "Concerning Hobbits" (Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring - scroll to the end to listen to "Steward of Gondor", which is what inspired this post title and headings) on high (with my headphones in, so as not to disturb my flatmates). THIS POST IS BEST READ WITH THE SONG ON REPEAT AND A CUP OF TEA FROM WHICH TO SIP. There is something so entirely soothing about a good soundtrack, and although I haven't listened to anything else by him, except Gangs of New York, I adore these scores so completely that if I had to pick just one soundtrack to listen to for the rest of my life... well, scratch that - I'm in love with Hans Zimmer's work as well... but you get the point. When I listen to this and close my eyes, as I'm doing right now, I can almost picture the rolling hills and greenery and villages, things which I no longer need to close my eyes to see. As most (if not everyone) reading this knows, I am now in England. Tolkien had stated in a letter once that the Shire was based on rural England, and although I've not read the letter myself, it's not hard to imagine, especially with this soundtrack running through my head and a cup of tea in my hands as I look out my window and see the British architecture (albeit townhouses) with the hillside in the background. It probably helps that I'm finally unpacked and have placed an array of scones beneath the window through which I now glance at the beautiful scenery before me.

Today is my fifth day in England, and I simultaneously feel like I just arrived and that I've been here forever. Mum always told me that I settle in quickly and make friends even faster, but I doubted her on that one (I shouldn't have). Even on my second day here, I was already explaining the bus system to freshers and telling them which bus they wanted to be on. I already knew where most of the stores that I wanted to visit were and could navigate around the city centre without an issue. That's not to say anything about campus. While I've mastered one route to my courses, I feel like it's going to take me a bit to get the hang of things around here.

Arrival was easy enough - although there was a bit of turbulence, landing was easy enough, and then I found my uni's table quite easily. The journey getting to my uni's table, on the other hand, was a bit of an ordeal. I managed to get through Border Control in record time (no more than two minutes, but why is it that my mind always blanks when the BA asks me things like, "What's your name?" and "Why are you studying literature?") but once I collected my bags, I had to then find something called The Station. I made the mistake of not grabbing a trolley, assuming that The Station had to be close. I was wrong. I walked about fifteen minutes down long passageways (at a fairly brisk pace, so I feel like I walked about a mile) before I found where I needed to go. My arm was so sore after that that I couldn't lift things for about two days after. Anyway, got all checked in and thankfully I only had to wait about fifteen minutes for the shuttle, which dropped me right off at my college, where reps were waiting to show us where to go. Grabbed my luggage and followed my rep, who took us to the Porter's Lodge. Here, every college (within the uni) has a Porter's Lodge, which is like a security office. This is where you pick up your keys, report issues, etc. I never really had to deal with them in Oxford because I wasn't living in halls, but in Oxford, they stop tourists and non-college students from getting in. Showed them my passport, and they gave me the keys to my very own townhouse. One of the reps looked at the housing tag on my keys and began to lead me off. We had a bit of an issue when my key didn't work in the flat... until he realised that he had taken me to building 16, room 9, instead of flat 169. He got someone else to take me to the right flat, and here I am!

The picture to the left is a shot of the courtyard behind my townhouse, which is basically the view I have every day, as my window faces this way. I'm a little disappointed that I don't have a room that faces the hills, but our bathroom window does, so at least you can feel like you're in the middle of the English countryside while you take a shower. Under that is a picture of the houses that surround mine. We're basically in a quad, where the other houses that make up the square are all townhouses (and seem to be occupied by mostly families with children.) My other flatmates seem really nice. They're all women (even nicer). One's from PA, one's from Costa Rica, and one's from China. We should have an interesting year, and everyone seems to be interested in actually having a family dinner type of thing, so that could be fun! We're all from different fields, so I'm looking forward to hearing about what everyone else is studying. It took me a few days, and I'll skip the boring details, but I'm finally completely unpacked, and today was registration, so I'm all set to begin classes next week. I don't have any more orientation to attend.

There are many paths to tread.

One of the things that I've been facing most in my time here thus far has been my anxiety. From trying to navigate the airport by myself to worrying about silly things like icy walkways to hearing from a (mis-informed) cashier at the uni that my loan money wasn't going to come to me at all because "money laundering is illegal", my anxiety has been through the roof. Yesterday, I went out and bought some Twinings Pure Peppermint tea, and that has really made all the difference today as I write this post. It feels excellent to just sit back and sip on tea, especially with this cold that I can't seem to kick. Despite having taken Airborne since I left the States, I managed to catch a cold on my first day here, and it's been progressively getting worse. Today, I started coughing, which I actually think is a good sign, because once the coughing subsides, I should be fine. It's just a tad bit annoying to meet your tutors with a cold (which I did yesterday, and they all seem lovely!), so that's been driving my stress levels up as well. I don't want to miss any courses, although I've just discovered that they're run a bit differently here (which I kind of already knew). While you won't be punished for not attending a tutorial because your grade in each one is based off a 5,000 word essay at the end of term, I don't want to miss anything at all. I won't have to have my dissertation (thesis) topic finalised until the end of Lenten Term (some time in April, I think), but my dissertation is worth half of my final marks for the MA. Classes are once a week, and I'm a bit nervous about the trek over to them - it takes about 20 minutes on a sunny, non-windy day, so I can only imagine how the journey will look once the rain picks up again.

Through shadow, to the edge of night, until the stars are all alight.

It's so easy to sit in my room and worry. What will happen if I miss class? What if I don't get all of my books in time? What if I don't read all of the books that I need to? What if my tutors hate me? What if my fellow students hate me? What if the path ices and I can't get to class? (We should all remember last year's fiasco when I went to Bath and it snowed and I couldn't go anywhere because whenever I tried to step anywhere, I fell - and that was just slushy snow!) What if I don't finish my essays in time? What if I don't complete the book review and conference proposals by the 15th? What if the conference proposal gets rejected? For that matter, what if the book review gets rejected? What if I can't complete my MA in time? What if my loan money doesn't come through? What if...? I hate that question sometimes. I hate that I focus on that instead of the good things.

Mist and shadow cloud and shade.

Sometimes, it's hard to see the end result or to dream of what I'd like the future to look like because I'm so paralysed by all of these questions that plague me to the point that I'm clearly not getting enough sleep. As I've mentioned before, for me, the bad so often overshadows the good. I forget that I've actually made it to England, and even if I got kicked out of my programme and had to go back to the States, I can at least say that I tried and that I did make it here for a bit. I forget that even though I can't get an iPhone because I'd have to sign a two-year contract (which is not what the website originally said), I do have a phone. And even though it's not one that I particularly like, as I had to pay cash to get it since T-Mobile wouldn't accept my US debit card since it's not chip and PIN, I do have a phone with which I can communicate with people (and I'm just going to try to exchange it for something with a larger screen this week). Even though my room can get a bit hot at night, I forget that it's only £2.40 return into town and I can pick up a fan there. Even though the cashier told me that I wouldn't be getting any loan money, I now know that she was mis-informed, and I will be getting details about it tomorrow.

All shall fade.

For every problem that I've had, there is a solution - if not one I've already found, then one that will pop up soon in the future. The fact that I'm sick is not a huge deal because in a week or two, it'll be over and done with, and I can resume life as usual.

These problems that I freak out about?

All shall fade.

The view from our first-floor bathroom.

The British "first floor" is what we would typically call our "second floor". They, however, refer to our "first floor" as a "ground floor", which can take some getting used to.