Post-term blues.

Well, the past few weeks have been a whirlwind of activity, what with completing term, visiting Dublin for St. Patrick's Day, and running around Europe on my Contiki tour. Although I was going to go to a few places after my tour, I came back home and realised that bronchitis puts a damper on doing anything other than sleeping. Since I arrived back home, I've been in the midst of packing, stressing about packing, and throwing tantrums about how I don't want to pack (more on that later). But, I'm finally packed, and I'm headed out to the airport in a bit to check my suitcases so that I don't have to tote them around when Aaron gets here in (gasp!) SIX DAYS! I'm so excited to travel around England with him! Anyway, I'm going to Belgium with Rachael and Elyse from the 10th-13th, so I don't want to have to worry about taking all of my bags to the airport on the 14th. And in seventeen days, I'll be embarking on my journey back to the States.

I'll be writing another blog post later (maybe tomorrow, maybe in three years when I remember) that will contain reflections - what I've learned since I arrived in the UK and things that I have accomplished. However, here is a brief overview of how life has been academically (since that's what I really came here for and that's what is most important to me). I completed my secondary tutorial with a decent mark - an Oxford A is a 70, and the average of my four papers (so, my final grade) was a 70.25. I am pleased with that mark because I received a 75 on my last paper - over a 70, and an 80 is considered publishable! My tutor also gave me some suggestions of where I can look to publish, and he told me that he will write me a recommendation letter if I ever need one! He also said that he loved my final paper, so overall, I was very excited for my mark in that tutorial. Dr. Ballam is perhaps one of the best professors that I have ever had the opportunity to work with, and I'm so glad that I was able to have a tutorial with him.

I'm still confused about what my grade will be for my primary tutorial because of the nature of the Oxford Greek grading system. For example, I received a beta beta alpha on my final paper, and I have absolutely no idea how that will transfer into Eastern. I believe that my grade will be somewhere around a B. I'm not too concerned about it. In my reflections, I'll go into more detail about it, but I do wish that I had done better. However, I can say that my tutor, Val Dodd, really encouraged me to think more abstractly and more in depth about Shakespeare. I encountered and interacted with the texts in a lot more detail than I would have had I read all of the plays on my own. Her questions for my papers caused me to more carefully read the plays, and I really appreciated that. Though I found the tutorial difficult, and at times, frustrating, I believe that I came out of the tutorial a better student in many ways. So although my grade is a little ambiguous for that tutorial, I don't regret taking it here with her.

My post-term travels are another post entirely, but I'd like to close this post with a short explanation of why I'm suffering from post-term, whiny, depressing blues. I don't want to leave. It's as simple as that, although in some ways, it's so much more complicated. Oxford has become my home. Maybe I just easily move around to places and become emotionally attached to them, but I know Oxford. I've given tourists directions on how to get places and provided tips on the best times to go. I know how to walk past porters into colleges like I attend them. I know where to get anything I need, and I know how to live on any kind of budget I want. I've dreamed of coming to Oxford since I was fairly young, never fully believing that I could get myself here. In many ways, I simply gave up academically because I never thought that I could ever achieve something so amazing. I know that I wasn't admitted as a full student to a uni in Oxford, but the fact that I was able to become associated with a college and study under an Oxford tutor is mind-boggling. The only reason that I'm not trying to evade UK immigration so that I can stay here is just knowing that when I apply for my Master's, I'll have a better GPA and a more interested way of approaching my studies. I am planning on tacking on an extra year of undergrad in order to get my GPA up to where I want it to be, but I realised that even if I end up going somewhere like Penn State for my Master's, there's no reason why I can't spend a year here through OSAP or a similar program (although I did enjoy OSAP). I'm learning that anything's possible if I really want to do it. I can take what I've learned and realise that I have so much potential. I don't want to let this energy go. Because of what I've learned here and because I'm simply here, I know that I can do whatever I put my mind to. I just need to unlock and harness that potential.

Anyway, off to the airport now, but I'll most likely have another post within the next few days before I leave for Belgium. My post-term travels were AMAZING:) But ta for now, dear friends, and I'll be back in the States before you know it. Lots of love to everyone in the States!